COVID-19 Dairies (1)

March 31 (Tu)

Today I started to write dairies on COVID-19, suggested by Igel. As of now, the number of the infected souls worldwide has exceeded 800,000, among whom 175,000 are Americans, something unthinkable a month ago. Is it real, or are we living in a dystopian novel? In his Motorcycle Dairies, Che tells an extraordinary and life-transforming story of his cross-continent travel in his youth. My dairies will be of a very different kind. As most of the states in the US have issued a stay-at-home order, we have been sojourning at home all the time, working, cooking, and worrying. I don't aspire to be as famous as Che one day, but do hope that my dairies will be a window through which I can reflect on the unprecedented unfolding of the global crisis, both as a historian of medicine and as an ordinary human being. The experience is destined to leave an indelible mark on my life, for better or for worse. But mostly for better, for I wish we can survive the crisis and the world will be a better place. Stay tuned.     

April 1 (Wed)

A day of low energy. The pandemic is still evolving quickly—the number of cases in the US has passed 200,000, among whom more than 5,000 died. An alarming acceleration. We didn't pay much attention to the outside world as we were occupied by our own businesses—Igel kept investigating her H1B visa matter and I agonized over the revision of my book Intro. Between the public and the personal, we chose the latter. But not exactly. Igel gave a public talk this evening—via Zoom, obviously—reflecting the current pandemic especially its racial implications. We brainstormed for the talk, but regrettably I didn't listen to her talk. As a medical historian, I felt it a shame. I was too obsessed with my own little world of getting out the writing block. Did I make the right decision? Maybe not. Well, hopefully, I can get out of this low-energy quagmire soon. In this swirling moment, that is the least effort I can make.

April 2 (Thu)

Today my energy level came back a bit. I finished a subsection in Intro that has pained me for quite a few days, so I am glad that I eventually got over it. Hopefully I can keep the momentum and finish the revision of Intro soon. Now more on the pandemic. I encountered two pictures in NYT (see below). The curve of the US is quite deep at the moment: So far, more than six thousand people perished, and based on the current curve, the deaths will double every three days. UK and Canada have the similar rate, though they have less deaths thus far. These are numbers, but we know that human lives cannot be simply reduced to numbers. In the CNN news we watched tonight—we have developed a routine recently to watch PBS or CNN news on YouTube over the dinner—we watched a harrowing story of a New York doctor (Dr. Frank Gabrin) who died of COVID-19 while trying to save others. His husband was interviewed by Chris Cuomo, who himself contracted the virus lately, and the widower was in tears. It was painful to watch, and we know there are many stories like this around the country. It feels particularly agonizing as what happened in China two months ago is unfolding exactly the same way now. An excruciating déjà vu. On the positive note, if we look at the second picture, Washington is doing pretty well: the number of deaths doubles every 11 days. Compared to New York (every two days), that is quite remarkable. Although Andrew Cuomo is much more vocal and splashing big waves in the news, Jay Inslee might be the real hero who has quietly saved many lives. As Benjamin Franklin rightly said: Actions speak louder than words. 

 

2020, A New Decade!

Another year, and decade has passed!

Looking back, I can hardly believe that I have lived in this country for two decades. Very soon, it will surpass the time I lived in China (the first 23 years of my life).

I came to the US in 2000. At that point, I had dutifully followed the course charted by others to pursue a promising and profitable career, namely, biology. But things changed radically in the following decade, as many oversea students would experience. That was a decade of continuous struggling and finding purpose in life. Toward the end of that decade, I eventually worked out a way to redirect my career to be a historian. I am glad I did that!

The second decade involved both a fulfilling life of a history student (first half) and a transition to be a scholar (second half). I feel lucky that things have worked out the way more or less as I planned in the first decade. Life has been busy, and often hectic and stressful, but I am happy that it now has a clear purpose. Towards the end of this decade, I also found the "other half" of mine, who, as I feel ever stronger, has truly enriched my life!

So what will happen in my third decade here in the US? Or will I continue staying in this country? I think most likely I will, at least for a good part of the decade. Even for a person who likes planning on everything, it is hard to design a ten-year map ahead. There are just too many variables, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Perhaps I will get tenure at Buffalo and continue living here. Perhaps I will move to somewhere else. Perhaps Igel and I will have a baby. Perhaps I will become more outspoken in the public, and more politically involved. Perhaps I will switch my career again. No, the last one, I am quite certain, will not happen. Just joking!

As I just looked at my New Year Resolutions for 2019, it turns out that I have fulfilled the major one of submitting my book manuscript and getting the reviewers' comments. In that sense, 2019 is an important year, just like the year of 2015 when I got this Buffalo job. It gives me more assurance for my tenure case, and importantly, for my professional identity of being a historian. Putting things in perspective: One of the first books I read during the process of switching my career, in the fall of 2016 I believe, is Benedict Anderson's Imagined Communities, a classic in the field. When I read that book, I couldn't help pondering, as an outsider at the time, how I could possibly write a book in English like that. It was like climbing Mount Everest. 14 years have passed, and now I am here, claiming to be a historian with a bit of imposter syndrome still lingering, carrying a book manuscript that has received favorable reviews and will be likely published in a year or so. It doesn't feel real, but I am glad that it is happening. Kudos to the two generous reviewers—your unfailing support for a junior scholar like me is nothing but a noble act.

Which naturally leads to my New Year Resolutions for 2021:

(1) Manuscript Revision

I will spend the first six months of the year revising my book manuscript, making it as good as I can. Then it will enter the production line. Hopefully it will reach far at the end of the year, though that is mainly out of my control.

(2) Saffron article

I will submit the article manuscript to a journal this month and get the ball rolling. Hopefully I will receive the comments in the summer. I will use the fall semester, a busy one since I will teach three courses, to revise the article and resubmit it by the end of the year.

(3) Getting married (wanhun)

We did not do it last year due to a logistical issue. This year we will make it happen! In March, we will go to the City Hall in Toronto to get the certificate and have a mini-honeymoon afterwards. In July, we may have a wedding on the West Coast. Still planning on that...

(4) Travel

With my book manuscript in good progress, I now can afford traveling a bit more around the world. A trip to Boston in March; a trip to Taipei in early May and another one to Tel Aviv in late May. During the Christmas and New Year season, Igel and I will go to an exotic place to have a nice vacation, and belated honeymoon!

(5) Exercise

I need to have some weight evaporated. So keep exercising throughout the year: jogging, swimming, biking, and occasionally skating and hiking. 160 lb is my goal! Is that a tall order? :>

(6) German

I will keep learning German by Duolingo EVERYDAY. I have been doing this for more than 100 days consecutively. I will continue the exercise for the entire year, which will be very impressive. And Igel will join too!

(7) Casual reading

I miss reading non-academic stuff, especially novels. I didn't do that at all last year. I want to resume the habit and perhaps read a novel per month. It is edifying.

(8) Green Card

I plan to initiate the application in the summer. It is boring, but I have to deal with it.

Of course, there are things that I cannot predict or plan in advance, and I will leave those to the ebb and flow of fate. Altogether, my goal this year is to have a routine and disciplined life as much as I can, which is really the source of productivity, but also to leave some healthy room for sparkling spontaneity! Cet's la vie!