APT Decision

February 17, an eventful day.

The Friday prior, I received an email from the Dean's Office, telling me that my tenure dossier was being sent to the APT Committee (Appointment, Promotion, and Tenure). This meant that my tenure case would be evaluated again at the college level, by a committee of 11 members across departments in CAS. This is something that I anticipated—my Chair told me that sometime in February the second round of assessment will take place. A mixture of nervousness and excitement. I was allowed to read the Chair's letter and the non-confidential part of the dossier, which are all reassuring. I didn't know when the meeting and voting will happen—sometime in the following two weeks, I thought.

Then lots of things happened in the past week, which distracted my attention. Thursday was a particular hectic day, as I was busily working on a matter of house mortgage with Igel. I was also going to give a Zoom talk next day, so didn't think of the tenure vote at all. 

Around 6:30pm, when we had a break after an intense day of phone calls and calculation of numbers, I suddenly saw a message on my phone, "Good news! Do you have time for a quick call?" I was pretty sure that I saw this message early in the day, but ignored it because I thought it came from an aggressive broker—they often start the message with "Good news!" Only now did I realize that it actually came from my Chair.

I immediately realized what this was about. The meeting must have taken place early today, a bit earlier than I thought. My Chair called me in a minute, and told me that my case received an unanimous yes. "It is an easy case and the meeting was rather short," he related. He said something else, like praises for my work, some clarification questions from the committee, etc. But I was too overwhelmed to hear them clearly. Igel was standing nearby, eyes full of tears. My response to the Chair was a bit too effusive and dull—many thanks, appreciation, feeling speechless, and the like. Honestly, I feel lucky to have an extremely supportive Chair. From the time he became the Chair in 2019, his support for me and Igel has been tremendous, not just on my tenure case, but also on the complicated issue of my green card application that has consumed me a good amount of time in the past year. Maybe the result would be the same should I have a different Chair, but a good Chair makes the journey much more pleasant.

It was a strange moment. Although this is a big deal—the APT decision is crucial since the rest is basically a bureaucratic routine, and the result is not a surprise, I couldn't feel the same level of euphoria compared to the official publication of my book last summer or the notification of the departmental vote on my case last October. The main reason, I guess, is that at least in my school, the APT decision usually follows the departmental vote, so I didn't anticipate a surprise. Plus, I don't know the majority of people on the APT committee, unlike the situation for the departmental vote, so it is an emotionally more detached process. The timing is interesting, as if this is a godly message: just as I was doing something most mundane and uninteresting—dealing with house mortgage, I received the positive affirmation of something I have pursued for almost two decades, something I call dream. This is rather ironic, isn't it?

Perhaps this coincident is sending a signal to me: it is about time to change the mode of living, from a laser-focused effort on securing my tenure and a living still like a graduate student to a more comprehensive and multifaceted life of a true adult shouldering more responsibilities beyond my own interest. Doing something I like is the most rewarding thing in my life, and I often find myself lucky to have the luxury of time and resources to pursue my goal and postpone other more mundane and routine things in life. It is about time to change that—I can delay those necessities, but cannot shun them forever. The temptation and momentum of remaining a perpetual spoiled child is high, but that is not realistic or even desirable. I must have a broader perspective of life and adjust my way of living accordingly.

It is a strange moment also in the sense of what is happening in the world. The Winter Olympics just ended in Beijing, yet what attracted more people's attention, at least in my circle of friends, is the chained woman from the Feng County. The absurdity of the tragedy and the anger it evoked among people is heart-wrenching. Compared to that, my little good news appears quite trivial, even meaningless. There seems to be a huge gap between my world and that world. Again, as an intellectual and a conscientious human being, what can I do to go beyond the self-fulfillment in my small, comfortable niche to contribute to the public good, either in this country or in China? Something to think about after the tenure.

New Year Resolutions (2022)

As usual, it is time to reflect on the year of 2021 and plan for the year of 2022.

Worldwide, the pandemic is still plaguing the globe, sickening and killing many. Although we had some moments of seeing the end of this seemingly never-ending odyssey—especially during the summer, the rise of omicron cases recently has made any assured optimism premature. The pandemic has been with us for two years, and it may not end anytime soon, unfortunately. I said at the end of my last year's resolutions that I remain cautiously optimistic, an attitude I have to continue holding this year.

The pandemic has affected many of my students, unsurprisingly. Some contracted the virus; others struggled with the negative consequences in their lives—taking care of their parents, finding new part-time jobs, etc. Some of my colleagues observed a clear sign of students' worsening performance under such duress. I didn't see too much of a decline, partly because I became in a sense an "easier" professor who loosens the rules to give students an easier time. At this moment of crisis, I often ask myself what is the ultimate goal of the higher education. Why should students care about their grades? What are they good for? I always thought that receiving a good education, and learning new knowledge are the basic needs of every citizen in the society. Yet having been working at a public university for more than five years and seeing many students from working-class background who try to make ends meet, I realized, gradually, that such an abstract and idealistic notion may not be compelling for everyone in our society, especially during an unprecedented pandemic. They need to find a job after graduation; they need to survive. I don't know how much this will change my future teaching, but at least it is something that worth contemplating. The higher education may be fundamentally changed after the pandemic.

Professionally, 2021 was a crucial year for me and I am glad that I have accomplished several major tasks listed in my last year's resolution. Above all, my first book was published on time in June, which was a huge relief. Given a decade of its making—and 15 years since I switched my career, it felt unreal to see the monograph finally out. Since its publication, I spent quite a lot of time giving book talks and interviews, consummated by a joint book launch on poisons that happened last month. In other words, I have been "consuming" my first book in the past six months, and I am tired of it. Now I am eager to return to the "production" stage, that is, reading and doing research for my second project.

The timely publication of my book certainly helped my tenure case. I submitted my tenure file in May and August, and did my best to enhance my dossier up to the beginning of October. Later that month, my department voted unanimous yes on my case, which made me very happy. There will be two more rounds of voting at the higher levels of the administration this year, and I should know the final result sometime in May. There is not much I can do at this point, just waiting for the final decision and hoping for the good news.

I also made some progress on my green card application. It has been a long journey, which I didn't anticipate at the beginning of 2021. With perseverance, hard work, and the support of my chair and many generous scholars around the world, the application was finally approved last month. Big relief indeed. After living in this country for over 20 years, finally I was able to get this practical issue settled.

There are other memorable moments in 2021: A trip to Acadia National Park in August with Igel, another one to Adirondack in the fall, and some local hikes. Life continues to be busy, and sometimes stressful, but we try to make the best of it by doing something fun and soul-soothing in this precarious world.

Here are my new year resolutions:

1) Make some good progress on my second project on aromatics. Finish an article manuscript on camphor by April. Finish another article on the history of aromatics by August.

2) Prepare for my sabbatical year in 2023. Apply for a few fellowships in the fall for my second project. Let's get a national fellowship, like Igel!

3) Finish several leftover projects on poisons, including one article on du/pharmakon to be submitted in the summer and one article of gelsemium to be submitted later this year. The article on the psychedelic drugs is still up in the air.

4) Make good progress on the Chinese translation of my first book, working with ZHY. Hopefully it can be published by the end of the year and make a splash among Chinese readers.

5) Make good progress on the rest of the green card application. Hopefully we can get our cards by the end of the year.

6) Develop a healthy routine of life. I have to admit that I didn't do well on this last year and I hope that I can do better this year. Don't stay up no matter what. Get up at 8AM and go to bed at midnight everyday. Give the best time to research everyday and handle logistics in the evening. Save Sunday each week for logistics and relaxation.

7) Keep reading. There are many distractions in life, but don't forget the joy of reading, either academic books or novels. Devote half an hour to reading before the bedtime, and read on Sundays. I hope I will read more novels this year!

8) Reduce the time of handling emails. Don't proofread your emails unless it is necessary. I was always lagging behind with my emails. With more administrative duties coming, I must be more efficient and practical in handling emails. Don't be unnecessarily obsessed.

9) Exercise more and keep it as a habit. Exercise at least three times each week (jogging, biking, swimming, indoor exercise). Try to do a local hike or walk during the weekend every couple of weeks.

10) Eat healthy and take good care of the body. Try to reduce 10 pounds so I can reach 150 lb. Eat routinely, more vegetables, and do my best not to eat dinner too late.

11) Handle some logistical works, including house organization and repairs. I was planning to get some of these done last summer, but never finished them. I should not postpone these long-overdue tasks anymore. 

12) Continue Duolingo on German and start thinking what other language I want to learn.

13) Develop a new hobby. How about picking up tennis in the summer? 

14) Have at least one trip with Igel to a national park or somewhere cool. We both need that badly!

15) More writing on this blog. I know this is part of my resolutions last year, which I didn't accomplish. Let's hope that I can do better this year!

Supposedly, 2022 should be a more relaxed year for me as my tenure pressure has been reduced. It is a transitional year for me. The key is to establish a healthy routine and work/life balance so I can have a sustainable career and life!