First book

 

My first book just came out two weeks ago! (June 27)

It is certainly a special moment in my life. I don't know how many more books I will be able to publish, but the first one is probably the most memorable.

It is a book of a decade's making, which is not unusual for an academic monograph. Ten years ago, in the summer of 2011, I was searching my dissertation topic in Cambridge—what a beautiful summer!—and gradually this project on poisons came into focus. I also started this blog during that summer (June 13, to be exact). I don't quite remember why I picked this topic—I think the poison/medicine paradox intrigued me. In that sense, the project started from an intriguing idea. Although the book has added more dimensions, that core has remained more or less the same.

But these are technical details after all. Holding my own book now, the memories go far beyond my Cambridge times. Back in Michigan days, in the fall of 2006, I was taking my first graduate seminar in humanities with Christian, who just started his AP position in History. One of the readings is a section from Benedict Anderson's classic Imagined Communities. I read the piece in a seminar room at the basement of my department (Biology), which is my favorite secret spot, and asked myself, "How is it possible for me to write a book like this?"

That was a different moment of my life. Although I was determined to switch my career, I still had lots of self-doubts. Even if I am passionate about humanities, can I do it? To write a book in English, at that moment, felt like climbing Mount Everest.

I still have doubts about my writing in English today. For a non-native speaker, those doubts probably will never go away, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. But the publication of my first book gives me reassurance. Language is not a formidable barrier to develop my career, though I can always improve it. What's more important is the idea of the book, and research behind it. In other words, substance matters more than style.

As an untenured scholar, I was lucky to have two generous reviewers who offered positive reports. In retrospect, I wish the comments could be harsher, to push me to further enhance the book. As a person who is always self-critical, I know well what are the pitfalls of the book. But as Katy told me, the first book is always functional—it builds upon the dissertation; it meets the tenure requirement; it confirms my scholarly capability. If nothing else, I got it done on time, which helps my tenure case. The next book, as Katy pointed out, could be more ambitious and bold.    

On the day of my book's publication, I made an announcement at several social media, upon Igel's push. I am not good at, or even interested in, self-promotion, as I don't enjoy being put in the limelight. But this is a special occasion—once in a decade, so I made a splash. Many congrats poured in, and to my pleasant surprise, I received warm words from some old friends, from Michigan days, Cambridge days, and beyond, whom I haven't been in contact for a while. It is touching to get connected to these old friends. Although I still don't enjoy fame—publishing an academic book is hardly a world-shaking event—I do cherish these beautiful friendships. Without their support, I won't be here.

I often joke with Igel that once I publish my book, I won't have any regrets even if I died. I am 44 years old, so this may sound too passive a thought. I guess that given the unique journey I took in the past 15 years, I am still somewhat amazed that I have reached thus far. I would like to say to myself: Congratulations. Your determination and perseverance have paid back.

Of course, I couldn't do this all by myself; many people helped along the way. It is a journey that started from a self-driven initiative, but has pulled in many kind and intelligent souls over the time. As K said before, writing a book is like paying a debt. He meant paying a debt to all those great writers who produced inspiring books. In my case, I am paying a debt to all those people who have supported me over the years. The book is not an affirmation of anything; it is just my way of saying thank you.

The post-publication days have been hectic due to the social media splash. I am here to reflect and remind myself of the 15-year journey I have taken. Life doesn't have that many 15 years, but I am very happy that I have put my past 15 years into good use. It is a somber reminder that if I do something I really like, I can survive, even flourish. It was no doubt a hard decision, but I am very glad that I made that decision.

Be proud, be humble, and more on, Yan!

 

   

 

New Year Resolutions (2021)

One year ago, when making my new year resolutions for 2020, I was embracing, rather optimistically, a new and promising decade. I would have never expected what happened soon after that and throughout the year, an unprecedented pandemic that profoundly changed the world and each of our lives. Quite opposite to what I hoped, the new decade started in such a dark, if not abysmal, fashion that simply getting back to normal life has become an extravagant wish.

As a historian, and a historian of medicine, I should've known it better. Similar episodes happened before—the Black Death, the 1918 Pandemic, to name two prominent precedents. I often imagine that I presciently predicted what was to happen when nobody believed my premonition, like a sage. Of course, I am not a sage, not even close; I am just a junior scholar studying my own things in medieval China. Historians, by definition, always look in retrospect. 

But this devastating pandemic, which is still unfolding, is after all sobering in an urgent way. The world will not be the same again, and each of us has been changed as well in the process. In the early part of the year, when the situation quickly escalated in this country, I was tormented between working on my own stuff and doing something for the greater good. I guess I was not alone in this struggle; many academics felt, and are still feeling, useless when facing such a global crisis—why aren't we real doctors? Eventually, I still focused on the former, feeling guilty of shunning social responsibilities. The question will continue lingering with me in the years to come. Hopefully, once my career has reached a more secure state, I can think more and do more on this. I don't claim to try to save the world; I just want to make myself a bit more useful, in however minute way, to the society.

On the personal level, this past year was not bad at all. Again, the fact that my life hasn't been affected much by the pandemic speaks how privileged I am. Not only do I still hold my job but I can continue the job without much interruption. Of course, I was stuck at home all the time; I couldn't go to libraries to borrow books; I had to offer online teaching. But compared to others, many others, who were at the edge of survival, I consider myself very lucky. On top of that, Igel got a new job at Buffalo, in the middle of the pandemic; we got married in the summer; and after that we moved to Buffalo more or less smoothly. Life was busy and stressful for academics, especially in this tumultuous year, but we have nothing to complain. It can be much worse, easily.

So what is my new year resolution of 2021? I have to say that given the lesson of the past year, I cannot wish too high. When I went though the list of the eight items on my 2020 list, I was happy to see that I managed to finish the major tasks, including completing my book manuscript, almost finishing the revision of my saffron paper, and getting married. Again, by not engaging in what is happening in the larger world, I was able to finish these things. The upcoming year will be a critical one for my tenure as I will submit my files in May. I thought I am in a good shape, but I cannot take things for granted and must do my best to continue strengthening my case. So here you go, my new year resolutions for 2021:

(1) Submit a strong tenure portfolio in May. This includes: a published book, the saffron article hopefully already accepted, the ISIS review, the ETHOC encyclopedia piece, and a submitted article manuscript on jealous wives. If I can get all these five components done, I would be very happy.

(2) The second half of the year is harder to plan in advance because it depends on a lot of ifs. If I get a fellowship, and travels possible, I will spend sometime in Asia, exploring my second project on aromatics. That would be fun. If that doesn't happen, I will just continue my routine life in Buffalo.

(3) And routine is the keyword. In this year, I, together with Igel, must establish a good and healthy routine of life. This means to get up early (8AM) and go to sleep early (12AM). Make the best of the daytime for work so we can relax in the evening. Try to save an hour each day to read non-academic things (before sleep) and save one day of the week (likely Sunday) for relaxation and shopping. This is really the key to controlling our life rather than being tossed around by millions of distractions. We will work on this together so we can develop the best schedule conducive to our work and life. We certainly have role models.  

(4) Exercise. This is one goal I didn't do well last year—still weighing more than 160lb. Let's see whether I can achieve that this year. Admittedly, the pandemic has made certain exercises difficult, such as swimming, but at least I should continue jogging, cycling, hiking, and taking walks with friends and colleagues. A healthy body is the foundation of everything. Relatedly, Igel and I should have a thorough examination of the body—for better performing in revolutions large and small!  

(5) Spend more time in dealing with logistics. These include: green card application, Canadian visa application, house repairs (summer project), etc. I know they are boring and not my cup of tea, but I have to handle them as an adult, and family man.

(6) Some travels, possible later in the year. This includes a conference in New Orleans, and possibly a holiday vacation with Igel in the winter. We have to see.

(7) Keep Duolingoing German. I have an impressive record of 467 days in a row. Let's make it to 832 days in a row!

(8) I would also like to write more stuff here. I know it has been dormant for quite a while, and in the past years I rarely posted anything except new year resolutions. Casual writing serves multiple functions—reflective, meditative, therapeutic. I want to resume the cultivation of this space, perhaps writing down something weekly or biweekly, to ponder both the inner self and the world at large. 

Finally, and this may sound superficial, if not hypocritical, I do wish the world will see a better year regarding the control of the pandemic, with less people suffering and dying from this terrible disease. It will take us many more years to reflect and perhaps change some of our ingrained habits and practices. And that is probably not a bad thing. 2021, I am cautiously optimistic!