Birthday Thoughts

Today, I am turning 46.

It is also my first birthday being a dad. That is incredible in retrospect.

Six years ago, on my 40th birthday, I reflected on my career and personal life. I set up two goals: to get tenure in six years and to find a partner in the following decade.

Gladly, I achieved the first goal last year. Now looking back, I found myself being conservative for the second one. Shortly after I wrote those words, I met Igel in Toronto (Mar. 2017), got engaged two years later (Mar. 2019), got married a year after (Aug. 2020), and now, amazingly, just became a dad (Dec. 2022). In less than six years, I have finished a home run! 

Still, given my extraordinarily long student life and the postponement of personal matters as a result, I am an old father. Hopefully, with the wisdom accumulated in the past decades, I can do the job fine.

As Lumiere enters our world, life will change dramatically. Watching her grow is amazing, and we also hope that in the process she will help us grow. At least for me, I want to remain true to myself, but also getting transformed by the expanded family, to be less self-absorbed, to better balance life and work, to find new meanings, and perhaps hope, in this troubled world.

On parenting, a colleague assured us: "There is no better place to be."

Usually at my age, mid-age crisis kicks in. There are certainly many challenges ahead: raising Lumiere, further developing my career, taking care of parents, dealing with endless logistics, among others. There is no set path for everyone. But as long as I remain open and honest, and willing to seek help when necessary, I think I should be OK.

All joy and no fun! That may be the paradox of parenting. It is a unique experience of co-growing with another person. It is also quite different from career goals: I can set up a concrete goal to try to accomplish it in certain years. But parenting is different. There is no set time limit; it is a life-long learning experience. To recognize that, I would say, is a powerful way of shifting my perspective on life.

With that in mind, I am not setting up any concrete goals here. I want Lumiere to be healthy and happy on her long life journey. It is my pleasure to take this journey with her, to explore the world together and to find the inner truths of myself.